Mental Health and Me

I can’t say I didn’t see this coming, as I have been so stressed over the last few weeks. I have a lot on my mind, mainly work related, life related, myself and my fiancé aren’t particularly happy living in Devon as we are both hundreds of miles from family and friends and this has really taken a toll on my mental health recently.

I’ve always suffered with anxiety, ever since I was a child I have been afraid standing up in front of people or being centre of attention, I’d much rather sink into the background in social situations. Many times I have cancelled plans because of my anxiety & it really has affected my life in more ways than I thought it could. I used to be fairly independent, travelling on trains, getting taxis by myself, discovering new places and people, but since I have moved to Devon, I feel a like a shell of my former self, I cannot even walk to work without speaking to my parents on the phone, and if they don’t answer, anxiety sets in.. and I start panicking and thinking people are following me, it sounds ridiculous, but I cannot help it, it’s in controllable.

Once I step to work my heart starts pumping I start sweating and I know a day of seeing new people is going to happen, even though I know I am great at my job, I get so anxious when there are more than 1 patient in the room, it’s crazy – so silly, but I cannot help filling that way, I feel like everyone is watching, judging and critiquing me as I work! After all these feelings I get home and I am exhausted and grumpy! Only to go to bed and do it all again the next day, I think spending the whole morning by myself hasn’t help my anxiety, in fact I don’t speak to a single person until 1pm when I call my parents! mad isn’t it!

The last few weeks I have been feeling very low and even ended up crying at work (this never happens as I’m usually so good at masking my feelings) – my poor fiancé that had to listen to me blubbering down the phone, he honestly deserves a medal! I was convinced I was going to leave, I just wanted to hand my notice in and get back to the old me! But then reality set in and I remember I have to pay bills/rent etc & it’s never wise to just leave a job, so I have decided to stay in my job for now and concentrate on getting my mental health together – I have been looking into natural ways to combat anxiety and think I am going to start practising yoga, meditation and breathing techniques again – also this is a good time to start changing my atrocious diet!

My panic attacks started last week, In fact I’ve had 3 that week, all in the same fashion. I was awoken by the feeling of my throat closing and I couldn’t swallow or breath, gasping for breath I bolted up and then the shakes and cold sweats set in, I was terrified, I thought I was going to die, this panic and overwhelming feeling of dread lasting around 20-30 minutes, this was the worst out of the 3 this week, it was Friday night so I am glad that I didn’t have work the next day as I didn’t manage to get back to sleep after that, I was too scared to close my eyes for fear of another panic attack. I wish I had woken my fiancé up, as I was so scared, he said I should have woken him, but I felt like I couldn’t as he was so peacefully asleep!

I spent the whole of Saturday in bed sleeping, I still had the feeling of dread and tight throat, I felt I couldn’t eat anything as it was so uncomfortable, my muscles were sore and painful even now they are sore, I have been so shock up from this experience, that I felt I needed to share, as I know a lot of people suffer panic attacks due to anxiety and statistics say 1 in 4 people in the UK suffer with mental health problems. You should not feel ashamed and it’s always good to talk about these problems, no one should feel alone in a mental health crisis, I am lucky that I have a super supportive fiancé (who also suffers with anxiety) so he helps me a lot. I’ve finally made the brave decision to go to my Drs this Tuesday (after so many cancelled appointments due to anxiety I feel I HAVE TO DO THIS!) I feel I need to chat to a professional about my problems, as it has gotten to that point for me now where I cannot manage. My Fiance is going to come in with me, as I have a habit of glossing over potentially damaging things, and he knows this, and he wants to make sure I dont sugar coat how I am feeling.

I cannot wait for this week off work, I am really going to take this precious time to relax, unwind and get back to some sort of routine. We are also taking a mini break to Newquay, so I have something exiting to look forward to before my dr’s appointment, as I am feeling so anxious about this. As I said I am anxious about my dr’s appointment, but at the same time I am glad to finally be getting some help, I am not a fan on medication for anxiety, but if this is what it will take to help me, even for a while I am willing to try this. If you have an experience with beta blockers or even a natural alternatives, please let me know in the comments.

I just wanted to add that there are many organisations you can contact if you need help, please don’t be afraid to ask, it’s truly the best thing you can do – when you feel you are at that point. Someone’s speaking to a stranger makes it so much easier.

I am always available to chat on Instagram, Twitter or email vicky@kabukirune.com please don’t feel you are alone.

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Samaritans

Telephone: 116 123 (24 hours a day, free to call)
Email: jo@samaritans.org
Website: www.samaritans.org

Provides confidential, non-judgemental emotional support for people experiencing feelings of distress or despair, including those that could lead to suicide. You can phone, email, write a letter or in most cases talk to someone face to face.

Mind Infoline

Telephone: 0300 123 3393 (9am-6pm Monday to Friday) or text 86463
Email: info@mind.org.uk
Website: www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helplines

Mind provides confidential mental health information services.

With support and understanding, Mind enables people to make informed choices. The Infoline gives information on types of mental health problems, where to get help, drug treatments, alternative therapies and advocacy. Mind works in partnership with around 140 local Minds providing local mental health services.

Rethink Mental Illness Advice Line

Telephone: 0300 5000 927 (9.30am – 4pm Monday to Friday)
Email: online contact form
Website: http://www.rethink.org/about-us/our-mental-health-advice

Provides expert advice and information to people with mental health problems and those who care for them, as well as giving help to health professionals, employers and staff. Rethink also runs Rethink services and groupsacross England.

Saneline

Telephone: 0300 304 7000 (4:30pm-10:30pm)
Website:www.sane.org.uk/what_we_do/support/helpline

Saneline is a national mental health helpline providing information and support to people with mental health problems and those who support them.

The Mix

Telephone: 0808 808 4994 (11am-11pm, free to call)
Email: Helpline email form
Crisis Support: Text ‘THEMIX’ to 85258.
Website: www.themix.org.uk/get-support

The Mix provides judgement-free information and support to young people aged 13-25 on a range of issues including mental health problems. Young people can access the The Mix’s support via phone, email, webchat, peer to peer and counselling services.

ChildLine

Telephone: 0800 1111
Website: www.childline.org.uk

ChildLine is a private and confidential service for children and young people up to the age of nineteen. You can contact a ChildLine counsellor for free about anything – no problem is too big or too small.

Elefriends

Website: http://elefriends.org.uk/

Elefriends is a supportive online community where you can be yourself. Elefriends is run by Mind.

If you’re a carer needing support you can contact all of the above as well as Carers Direct and the Carers Trust, both of whom are able to provide support and advice on any issues affecting you.

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